Sunday, January 21, 2007
My miserable life.
This is a story of a girl.
She was brought up to believe that if she have a dream, as long as she works hard toward it, it will become true. But as she grew up, she realised things are not like what we were told when we were young. Sometimes, some things can't be done according to our will.
I wonder why adults give us so much pressure. I wonder if i'm walking on the right path or was it just to satisfy my parents' pride. Maybe my path is right, but i chose the wrong place. Doctors graduated from russia definitely have more disadvantages than others. If given a choice, you are minister of ministry of health in singapore, who will u take, a graduate from russia or UK? But if only i have the money to choose where i want to be from the beginning....
Sometimes i wish i was born somewhere else, at least they have a fair system in education. The US chose the best to be the best doctors, so do singapore and Japan. Because of some law, the chinese are oppressed, were force to go else where. When will this racism issue in Malaysia gonna end? I feel very suffering living as a Malaysian. Why do other people can get their license to practice after 1 year of housemanship in UK, but in Malaysia we need 3 years? And the salary malaysian government paid is a bit underpaid, rm2000 per month? I think working as a prostitute earns more than that.
I feel very very miserable and depressed right now. Because i have a decision to make. To quit medicine now and take another 2 years course which will allow me to earn more than merely 2k permonth or continue this long and tired pathway. I feel very very tired now. I'm not sure what am I doing either. Everything seems difficult to me now because i have given up on medicine. I tried studying but nothing goes into my mind. Seems like my brain have set up a firewall to block incoming medical infos.
Someone wise, please guide me, tell me what should i do? The UNICEF ambassador title seems to be further and further away from my hand each day. I think i can't make it to be a successful person. I apologize to all children in the world, sorry that i couldn't make it to provide you warm shelter, food and clothes. Maybe simplicity is the best for me. Be a housewife and a mother, living a free and relax life.
Why do adults like to lie? Why is it adults are so selfish? Our agent con the student one by one, and all of us end up with a bleak future while he's getting richer and richer. And all the fake hope that the adults gave us, made us feel so disappointed with our life. I gradually understand why people commit suicide. Not because they wanted to go to hell. Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.
Can i choose to be selfish sometimes? I wish i could walk off like that without explaining to my parents why and go do something that i like. Why is it parents do not understand what we want? If someone rich propose to me again this time, i will not hesitate to make a decision, bcos i know how hard is life here in russia and how shaky is my future.
She was brought up to believe that if she have a dream, as long as she works hard toward it, it will become true. But as she grew up, she realised things are not like what we were told when we were young. Sometimes, some things can't be done according to our will.
I wonder why adults give us so much pressure. I wonder if i'm walking on the right path or was it just to satisfy my parents' pride. Maybe my path is right, but i chose the wrong place. Doctors graduated from russia definitely have more disadvantages than others. If given a choice, you are minister of ministry of health in singapore, who will u take, a graduate from russia or UK? But if only i have the money to choose where i want to be from the beginning....
Sometimes i wish i was born somewhere else, at least they have a fair system in education. The US chose the best to be the best doctors, so do singapore and Japan. Because of some law, the chinese are oppressed, were force to go else where. When will this racism issue in Malaysia gonna end? I feel very suffering living as a Malaysian. Why do other people can get their license to practice after 1 year of housemanship in UK, but in Malaysia we need 3 years? And the salary malaysian government paid is a bit underpaid, rm2000 per month? I think working as a prostitute earns more than that.
I feel very very miserable and depressed right now. Because i have a decision to make. To quit medicine now and take another 2 years course which will allow me to earn more than merely 2k permonth or continue this long and tired pathway. I feel very very tired now. I'm not sure what am I doing either. Everything seems difficult to me now because i have given up on medicine. I tried studying but nothing goes into my mind. Seems like my brain have set up a firewall to block incoming medical infos.
Someone wise, please guide me, tell me what should i do? The UNICEF ambassador title seems to be further and further away from my hand each day. I think i can't make it to be a successful person. I apologize to all children in the world, sorry that i couldn't make it to provide you warm shelter, food and clothes. Maybe simplicity is the best for me. Be a housewife and a mother, living a free and relax life.
Why do adults like to lie? Why is it adults are so selfish? Our agent con the student one by one, and all of us end up with a bleak future while he's getting richer and richer. And all the fake hope that the adults gave us, made us feel so disappointed with our life. I gradually understand why people commit suicide. Not because they wanted to go to hell. Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.
Can i choose to be selfish sometimes? I wish i could walk off like that without explaining to my parents why and go do something that i like. Why is it parents do not understand what we want? If someone rich propose to me again this time, i will not hesitate to make a decision, bcos i know how hard is life here in russia and how shaky is my future.
Labels: random thoughts
this heart of mine was broken at 2:15 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart