Wednesday, January 17, 2007
I want to give up living.....
At this point of my life, i'm still figuring what do i want to do. I feel so lost. I tried forcing myself into sleep one whole day, hoping that i will never wake up so that i won't have to think so much. But is there any way out for me? I sent my application to SM entertaiment, they are my only hope to get out of here. I hope i'm their next chosen star.
It's not like i don't want to be a doctor. But things change, people change over the time due to environment and surroundings. I hate Kursk, i hate Russians and all those east malaysians. Because they are too simple, simple people without dreams and ambitions. I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be a normal GP in KL GH, it's not enough for me. I want to do more, i want to help poor children and needy people. I need cash now. A lot of them. I want to leave, i want to do something else, be someone else for once.
Parents will never understand, they just think that u're wasting their money. Sometimes i wish i'm an orphan, at least whatever i do, i control my own path. I need to think of a way to get myself some money. I'm so desperate for it. Maybe i should have marry Steven 4 years ago, and happily be a richman's wife. Dreams without money, they are nothing.
It's happening again. The viscious cycle. Maybe i am destined to be all alone from the beginning. Everyone is leaving me one by one ever since i came here. Maybe if Liyi or Kok fye is by my side, things would be different? Is there any rich guys out there need a wife? Marry me please, and pamper me with ur wealth.
It's not like i don't want to be a doctor. But things change, people change over the time due to environment and surroundings. I hate Kursk, i hate Russians and all those east malaysians. Because they are too simple, simple people without dreams and ambitions. I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be a normal GP in KL GH, it's not enough for me. I want to do more, i want to help poor children and needy people. I need cash now. A lot of them. I want to leave, i want to do something else, be someone else for once.
Parents will never understand, they just think that u're wasting their money. Sometimes i wish i'm an orphan, at least whatever i do, i control my own path. I need to think of a way to get myself some money. I'm so desperate for it. Maybe i should have marry Steven 4 years ago, and happily be a richman's wife. Dreams without money, they are nothing.
It's happening again. The viscious cycle. Maybe i am destined to be all alone from the beginning. Everyone is leaving me one by one ever since i came here. Maybe if Liyi or Kok fye is by my side, things would be different? Is there any rich guys out there need a wife? Marry me please, and pamper me with ur wealth.
Labels: random thoughts
this heart of mine was broken at 12:40 PM
3 people tried to mend this shattered heart
3 people tried to mend this shattered heart