Saturday, January 27, 2007
Gloomy
Sorry, i didn't mean to influence or affect anyone with my gloomy cloud. Sorry if the area covered by the gloomy cloud exceeded where it should be. I quit from my eurotrip last minute. So what? Everybody here have been thinking "what a waste of money!" and everyone insist that i have to go but i really dun have the mood there. Plus, i think God understands what am i going through now, even the weather turned bad on that day i should leave for the trip. And i've checked the forecast weather for another 10 days.... all the same for everyday: snowing, showering, windy. So cold, so lonely, so gloomy.
I got so upset that night, i kept crying for no reason. I'm not sure why, but i can't control the tears that keep rolling down. I hate my life. I hated everything. Someone came and told me that the way i am right now is giving negative influence to somebody. So what? It's not like i'm responsible for that person's misery bcos the reason why that person is living in a miserable life is all bcos of what he/she did to his/her own life. Don't blame everything on me! All those f**cking sarawakians must find some reason to sentence me to death just bcos i'm not one of them. So Sharon smsed chin seng this morning about the train ticket that we've booked is not valid and they have to buy new ones for 50euro. I have a very bad feeling about this. Even though sharon have not mention anything yet, but i know once they got back, they gonna blame everything on me! It will be all my fault that i quit the trip last minute and didn't lose the extra 50euro with them. Hell! Calamity!
Now since that everyone had left the hostel for holiday. I finally find peace and tranquility. The hostel is too stuffed usually that i feel suffocated to be here. Couldn't even find a place for me to be alone. Just me and darkness, alone. Every little movement of yours will be observed and words will spread around in a split second. Oh well, i'm suppose to make people feel less guilty for looking at the depressed me. Somehow, dunno why it turn out like this. Ah...... i'm still full of hatred and miseries.
I got so upset that night, i kept crying for no reason. I'm not sure why, but i can't control the tears that keep rolling down. I hate my life. I hated everything. Someone came and told me that the way i am right now is giving negative influence to somebody. So what? It's not like i'm responsible for that person's misery bcos the reason why that person is living in a miserable life is all bcos of what he/she did to his/her own life. Don't blame everything on me! All those f**cking sarawakians must find some reason to sentence me to death just bcos i'm not one of them. So Sharon smsed chin seng this morning about the train ticket that we've booked is not valid and they have to buy new ones for 50euro. I have a very bad feeling about this. Even though sharon have not mention anything yet, but i know once they got back, they gonna blame everything on me! It will be all my fault that i quit the trip last minute and didn't lose the extra 50euro with them. Hell! Calamity!
Now since that everyone had left the hostel for holiday. I finally find peace and tranquility. The hostel is too stuffed usually that i feel suffocated to be here. Couldn't even find a place for me to be alone. Just me and darkness, alone. Every little movement of yours will be observed and words will spread around in a split second. Oh well, i'm suppose to make people feel less guilty for looking at the depressed me. Somehow, dunno why it turn out like this. Ah...... i'm still full of hatred and miseries.
Labels: shared feelings
this heart of mine was broken at 9:23 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart